Bringing up past relationships can be tricky. While some openness is healthy, oversharing or comparing can create unnecessary tension. So, how do you navigate the conversation without making your partner uncomfortable?
When (and Why) It’s Okay to Talk About Exes
Talking about exes can provide insight into past experiences and relationship patterns. It can help your partner understand what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown. If an ex played a significant role in your life, avoiding the topic entirely can feel unnatural. Instead, sharing in a respectful and constructive way can build trust.
The key is timing and intent. If the conversation happens naturally or your partner asks, keeping your tone neutral and focusing on what you learned—rather than what went wrong—can prevent unnecessary tension. For example, saying, “I realized I need open communication in a relationship,” is much healthier than, “My ex never listened to me.”
What to Avoid
While discussing exes can be healthy, dwelling on past relationships isn’t. Avoid excessive details about intimacy, negative rants, or comparisons that might make your partner feel insecure. Statements like, “My ex always did this for me,” or “You remind me of my ex when you do that,” can create resentment.
Bringing up an ex during an argument is also a major red flag. No one wants to feel like they’re competing with a past love. Keep conversations about exes focused on learning and growth rather than past drama.
Keeping It Balanced
A good rule of thumb: If talking about an ex strengthens your current relationship, it’s worth sharing. If it stirs up jealousy, insecurity, or conflict, it might be best to leave the past in the past. Healthy relationships focus on the present and future—not comparisons. If in doubt, ask yourself, “Is this conversation helping us grow?” If not, it may be better left unsaid.
I have been an ace certified personal trainer for over 15 years. Other certifications include kettlebells, TRX, battling ropes, Vpr, yoga fit, AFFA group fitness and more. I have two children who love the gym as much as I do.